If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
