Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
