Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
