Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
