You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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