they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
