I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
