His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
