YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
