So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
