its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
His nipple licking is glorious
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