Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
