tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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