final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
