My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
