hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
