Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
