Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
