this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
