If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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