There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
