I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
