Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
