I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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