i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
