Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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