Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
