She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
