if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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