he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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