I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
