All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
