I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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