I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
