I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
