How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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