have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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