I think I died a long time ago.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
