Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
