the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
