thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
