I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
