I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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