The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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