I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
