He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
