Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
