cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
