so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
