Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
