I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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